6 Self-Help Books That Might Actually Help.
I read a lot of self-help books in my 20s, telling myself I was doing so to help my future clients, when really, I was just a fiend for self-help. If I wasn’t, I probably wouldn’t have signed up for the bizarre career of a therapist. I was lying to myself and a self-help book on vulnerability helped me realize that. If you abhor a self-help moment, hang in there for a second because now that I’ve helped myself, I can be a helpful therapist and tell you that these books might actually be worth your time. Here are my favorite self-help books with the hottest, most relevant takes.
1. Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
This book provides a useful description of attachment theory, whether you’re familiar with it or completely new to it. You will probably see yourself in this book, because it is my belief that our need for attachments are very, very real, and thus, we have somewhat predictable behaviors surrounding it.
Why you might want to read it: you’re with someone who doesn’t respond to your texts and you can’t figure out why. Dating sucks. You and your partner keep getting into the same fights over and over. You broke up and don’t know why. You wonder why you date people that do that annoying thing your mom used to do.
2. The Body is Not an Apology, by Sonya Renee Taylor
This book is poetry and a love letter. I think it should be required reading for 9th graders. No matter how society has told you to hate your body, this book will help you love it anyway.
Why you might want to read it: you experience internalized racism, fat phobia, ableism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, sexism, or have ever once gotten the message your body is not okay.
3. Radical Acceptance, by Tara Brach
I read this book when I was 23 and just starting to take my own therapy seriously- it did something for me. I even told my therapist to read it, insisting she was telling me about half the things I was reading in this book. It’s probably time to let 23 year old me boss me around a bit, and give it another read.
Why you might want to read it: you’re new to mindfulness but interested in it. You want to challenge yourself to be more present. You’re looking for a cure to be happy and fix all your problems (yeah, I see you). If you’re looking for a cure this book has some hot takes and loving support for you (that you might not like but I promise it’s worth it).
4. Self-Compassion, by Kristin Neff
Another early 20s read- can you catch a theme? The idea that self-compassion was actually the key to growth and connection and lots of other good things was mind boggling to me when I first read this. My inner critic had a long road ahead of them, but this book was a really important first nudge.
Why you might want to read it: you are self-critical, your parents were critical. You try to control outcomes. You are anxious. You want to be perfect. Your therapist keeps hinting you should be kind to yourself.
5. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay Gibson
This book is incredibly validating. I was scared of reading it for a long time, afraid I would see myself in it and afraid I wouldn’t- really, I wish I had read it a lot sooner.
Why you might want to read it: your parents didn’t teach you to feel your feelings. You have a strained relationship with your parents. You take responsibility for the health of your relationship with your parents. You wonder, is it me or them?
6. Pleasure Activism, by Adrienne Marie Brown
This book may not be a self-help book, but I think it’ll help. It’s a book to return to again and again, in order to internalize the message that living well means living with pleasure.
Why you might want to read it: you struggle to rest. You don’t pay attention to what feels good. You have been told pleasure is bad. You’re not sure what brings you pleasure.
So there you have it; some lovely books to carry in your tote bag as you embark on the life-long path that is being a human, growing, and looking for answers in the things we don’t know. Enjoy!